epiicer: If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
ccomicsloth: saying “its just hormones” to an upset teenager to make them feel better is like saying “its just gravity” to someone who fell off of the top of a 10 story building
nigerian: [singing in shower] [simon cowell appears] “its a no from me”
garlic-breadgasm: YOU DON’T OWE YOUR PARENTS ANYTHING IT WAS THEIR CHOICE TO HAVE, KEEP AND RAISE YOU BUT IT WASN’T YOUR CHOICE TO BE THEIR CHILD ANY EXPECTATIONS OR IDEALS THEY TRY AND ENFORCE ON YOU ARE BULLSHIT IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THEM THEY SHOULD ACCEPT THEIR CHILD AS THEY ARE NOT JUDGE THEM ON A MINOR DETAIL THAT DOESN’T AFFECT THEIR LIFE DO NOT FEEL BAD IF YOU AREN’T THE PERFECT...
WHEN TEACHERS FORGET TO CHECK THE HOMEWORK YOU DIDN’T DO
cheesecurl: i wanna watch a scary movie with you and we get so scared we accidently end up having sex somehow
nerdybutcutesy: sum-nights: roses are red tumblr’s blue come to my bed because i ship me and you this may be the best poetry to show up on my dash BEAUTFIUL
gorrestfump: i have three fundamental emotions haha horny sigh